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You Are Enough

Photo by Jen Lemen, Flickr Creative Commons.

Hello Readers.

I have a question for you. I’m sorry if it’s too nosy or intense for you on a Monday morning, but I’ve got to ask it.

Where do you find your worth?

Last week, I could have answered that question quickly. Too quickly. But then, my friends, something happened that forced me to press in and seek a more honest answer.

I faced a rejection I didn’t see coming. I’m not going to talk about the specifics of my situation because they don’t matter. It involved no heroes or villains, just a bunch of boring real-life people. This isn’t about the details of this particular rejection.

In fact, this isn’t about me or my story at all.

This is about us, because I think we have all felt this way before.

I have always been driven to succeed. My husband says it is at once the most attractive thing about me and the scariest thing about me. Carly doesn’t half-ass anything. She makes things happen. She gets what she wants. “It’s just who I am,” I say.

But sometimes, no matter how much I give or how much I want something or how hard I try, I come up short. I am not enough.

Does the rejection hurt so much because I wanted it to work out? Sure. But this sting is deeper than the disappointment of wanting something and not getting it. This is the sting of a heart who finds her worth in her performance. In what she accomplishes. In how people perceive her. In what she can DO.

There is nothing wrong with being driven. But when all the stuff comes crashing down, the question dangles right in front of me and I can’t ignore it.

Where do I find my worth?

I can’t find it in belonging to a specific group, or in being a published author, or in how I look, or who my friends are. This weekend, as my heart grieved, my husband and little girl cuddled me all day long. And as safe and loving a fortress they are for me, I realize I can’t even find my worth in them.

Who are you without the letters after your name? Who is Carly, stripped from all her roles?

I’m figuring it out. It’s important that I do. Because rejection is a normal part of life. I will face it again and again, and it will never not hurt. But maybe next time I will know that I am more than my successes or failures.

You are enough. It is easy to believe when successes keep coming. But do you believe it when they don’t?

You are enough, even when you’ve been dumped…again.

You are enough, even when you were passed over for the job or the promotion you wanted.

You are enough, even when everyone is hanging out without you.

You are enough, even when you are picked last.

You are enough, even when you gave it your all and your all wasn’t good enough.

I am ready to jump off the hamster wheel of performance. I will never stop trying. I will never stop giving life my all. But I will find my worth elsewhere. I am not even sure what this looks like yet, but I think it begins in the quiet moments when I am alone…when there is no one to impress around me. When I am not on display. When it’s just me and God and maybe a pen nearby. Who am I in these moments?

I am enough. And you are enough.

So readers, I’ll ask one more time. Where do you find your worth? Do you want to get off the hamster wheel with me? We can try this together, fumbling and awkward. Maybe after we can get coffee and breathe deeply. I would like that very much.

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12 Comments

  1. Erin Neckers on April 27, 2015 at 11:01 am

    Good thoughts. Resonates a lot with me!

  2. Micah J. Murray on April 27, 2015 at 12:05 pm

    i would like that very much too

    • Carly Gelsinger on April 29, 2015 at 10:00 am

      Thanks for your encouragement, Micah. Let me know if you figure it out.

  3. ruchi on April 27, 2015 at 8:37 pm

    I try and put my worth in my drive to perform rather than the performance. Having said that, I am still sad and hurt when I face rejection and sometimes too proud when I succeed.

    But I write this down for my sad self. I know these things are easier said than done but it’s something I strive for. I think I’ll be happier in long run, if I have tried as many things as possible from my bucket list. Of course some of them I might have failed and succeeded in some but the fact that I did try that’s what satisfies me in hindsight. And this won’t be possible without the drive.

    • Carly Gelsinger on April 29, 2015 at 10:00 am

      Ruchi – totally agree that having drive is important. I just think we can just get caught up in the game if we lose sight of what is most important… (whatever that looks like, different for everybody).

  4. Briana Meade on April 28, 2015 at 6:02 am

    A good conversation starter for the things we were talking about at the Faith and Culture conference. I’m with you. Struggling to find this enough place. Love this encouragement.

    • Carly Gelsinger on April 29, 2015 at 9:58 am

      BRIANA! Yes. I would love to talk to about this more soon.

  5. Karen Deschenes Courcy on April 28, 2015 at 3:37 pm

    This is great…. I just wrote a blog about being enough last night …. first time I wrote in weeks…. feel free to check it out ….. I loved your writing on this

    Karen

    finding The Grace Within
    http://www.findingthegracewithin.com/?p=12774

    • Carly Gelsinger on April 29, 2015 at 9:58 am

      Hi Karen! I did read your post. I totally relate to that feeling. I think the only way we can truly fail as writers is if we don’t write at all.
      Out of curiosity, how did you find my blog?

  6. Beth Martinez on April 29, 2015 at 11:12 am

    I know that question very well. I ask it all the time, alongside of “what’s the point? ”

    I have yet to truly “figure” it out. I’m also at the point of my life where I’m willing to look at it all and bravely question and wonder. Not just follow anything or anyone blindly or willingly, but journey on to learn for myself.
    Thanks for writing and sharing. You have a beautiful gift and I love your no bull shit honesty. 🙂
    Would love to Skype or phone coffee date sometime if you’re down

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