My first day as a stay-at-home mom
Today is my first day as a stay-at-home mom.
Early this morning, my first subconscious waking thoughts were about what I might wear to work today. Typical Monday morning thoughts. Would the baby sleep in long enough for me to sneak in the shower? What would I pack for lunch? What stories am I working on this week?
Then I realized, kind of momentously, that I’m not going to work today. I resigned weeks ago, had been thinking about resigning for months before, yet this morning it finally hit me: I’m now a stay-at-home mom.
So I fed my 9-month-old baby, Georgiana, avocados and egg yolks and crawled around with her on the floor all morning. Then I made a meatloaf for dinner, and played some more. It rocked; I know I’m privileged.
Even still, it’s likely a wave of inferiority will hit me later. For two years, I’ve been able to answer the famous default small talk question – “So, what do you do?” – with my go-to reply. I’m a reporter, I’d say, and I’d throw an example or two of things I cover.
Lisa Endlich Heffernan, New York Times bestselling author and blogger at Grown and Flown, wrote earlier this summer that “What do you do?” are the four most scary words a stay-at-home mom can hear. She confesses that she left her career with a feeling of failure, even though she relished being home with her babies.
“Not long after leaving my job I was still answering the question of what I did with what I used to do. Stay at home moms are quick to say that they were once a journalist, a lawyer, or worked in advertising … But it is not long before the answer began to feel musty and worn, a little outdated and almost desperate. Still in my 30s I was living in my own past, trying to convince myself and others to take me seriously for things I had once done,” Hefferman writes in the Atlantic.
So true. Already, I’ve told people I plan to “write from home,” and I do. Really, one of the only perks of writing is it can be done anywhere. May as well take advantage of that. But I think it’s telling that “freelancer” is a more comfortable title for me to assume than “stay-at-home mom.”
But for now, I’m riding the wave of appreciation for not having to scramble out of the house this morning, not having to leave Georgiana in the (very competent) hands of her grandma, and not having to nurse my baby in the parking lot of my office building over my lunch break.
Some of my friends never considered working after having a baby. Others of my mom friends would never consider not working. I, always conflicted, teetered for months. I’m still unsure.
In the absence of a “REAL JOB”, I’m already scheming up new tricks, all of which will be recorded in this little nook of the Web. I’m just getting started on Etsy, we are in the process of buying this sweet little tudor from the 1920s, and I’ve made the decision to start flossing, turn off my laptop at nights, stop using Q-Tips in my ears (at least not more than once a week), wipe down grocery store shopping carts before Baby G puts her mouth all over them, and stop letting her chew on magazines, among other really cool stuff.
The blog’s title, Creating Mom, has a two-fold meaning. I like to create stuff (repurposing thrift store finds, DIY home projects, lazy sewing, etc), so I’ll be photographing those adventures and sharing them here. But I’m also here to write about my (messy) transition to motherhood. In a literal sense, I’m creating myself into a mom. Will you join me for the ride?